When Is A Gift Not A Gift?

Introduction 

When is a gift not a gift? A gift is a present, something given to someone without the expectation of payment. A gift is an act of love, friendship, affection, or charity. We’ve all received gifts that didn’t quite fit that description—a book from your friend with a check tucked inside? An engagement ring from your fiancé with a contract attached? Gifts can be confusing, but they’re also one of life’s purest pleasures. So what makes a gift real? And how do we know when we’re being manipulated? Let’s dive in.

Consider this scenario: you’re having a tough time with your in-laws, and you think it’s because your mother-in-law doesn’t like you. Maybe she’s been giving you some gifts that are just a little too nice, or perhaps she makes comments about how much she loves the way you decorate your house. But maybe she isn’t trying to be rude or hurtful. Maybe her intentions are pure—she just wants to be nice and help out with the kids!

That’s why it’s important to know when a gift is actually a gift and when it’s an attempt at manipulation. If you’re left wondering whether or not something is meant as an insult or just a sincere gesture of goodwill, then there’s no reason for you to feel bad about yourself or take things personally.

The following is a list of some instances in which the gift you give will not be considered a gift.

If the gift is given with strings attached, a gift is not a gift

If you give someone a gift and then make them do something in return, it isn’t really a gift. If you give someone a gift and then make them feel guilty about not doing something in return, it isn’t really a gift. This is a pretty straightforward concept that I hope we can all agree on.

Giving someone an expensive piece of jewelry with the expectation that they’ll take care of your plants while you’re on vacation doesn’t count as “giving.” In fact, that’s called “paying off.” Another example is if someone gives you something because their position or status demands it or because they want something in return from you later on, then this isn’t really an act of generosity; these types of gifts come with strings attached.

But what about gifts given with no strings attached? You’ve probably experienced plenty of examples in your life: perhaps last year on your birthday when  Grandma gave you fifteen dollars in cash; or on Christmas Eve when Santa left an iPad under the tree for everyone in the family (except for Frank). These are true gifts—the kind nobody can really expect anything from afterward because they were given purely out of love or generosity.

When it’s given to someone who has no say in the matter

If you’re forced to take something, it’s not a gift. If your parents give you a new car because they think you should have one, even though you don’t want one and would rather have money instead, then they aren’t giving you a gift; they are just giving themselves an excuse to buy something that benefits them more than it does their child.

You don’t owe anyone anything for gifts that come from outside expectations or pressure—including gifts from family members who may be disappointed with what they receive as compared to what other people got for similar occasions.

When you give with ulterior motives, you’re not giving a real gift

A gift is not a gift when it’s given in anticipation of something else. This is the most common way that people give gifts with ulterior motives. For instance, let’s say you want your boss to promote you from your current position in marketing to a new job as an assistant manager at the local branch office of his business. You could send him some flowers or chocolates and hope that he’ll notice how hard you work and be impressed enough by your initiative to offer this promotion to you. Or maybe instead of sending him flowers or chocolates (or whatever), you decided to buy a box full of expensive imported cigars and then hand them over at his birthday party—well then we’d probably call those cigars “payment” rather than “gifts.”

In this case, we see that there was no true intention behind giving these expensive items; they were simply used as tokens for gaining favor with someone whom one wishes would do them some sort of favor in return (in this case: give them an important job). When we give gifts out of desperation—when we feel like we need something from another person—then we’re not really doing them any favors; all we’re doing is trying to get something back in return! Relationships based on exchange are rarely productive ones.

When the recipient has to work hard to get the reward, that gift is not a gift

It’s easy to think that the right gift is one you give someone out of the goodness of your heart. However, if the recipient has to work hard to obtain it, it’s not a gift at all—it’s a reward they’ve earned.

For example: “I’m going to buy my brother a new watch for his birthday, but he has to help me clean up around the house after dinner.” This is not really giving him a watch; this is buying him off so he’ll do something else for you later! You might still end up giving him a watch anyway if he doesn’t want to help out with cleaning up later on, but don’t expect him to feel grateful or happy about receiving them if they’re not sincere gifts from your heart and mind in the first place!

When the gift is given to make up for something wrong that was done, this gift is not a gift

Someone might give you a gift because they felt you owed them an apology or wanted to be nice. For example, if you got into a fight with your friend and ended it by saying sorry, then the next day they give you a notebook as an apology present, then they are probably just trying to make up with you by giving this gift. The only way to tell if this is true is by asking your friend: Why did he/she get me this notebook? If their answer doesn’t satisfy your curiosity about his/her reasons for getting it for you (e.g., “Because I thought it would be cool”), then there’s a good chance that he/she was trying to say sorry without actually apologizing!

What truly is a gift?

A gift is a wonderful thing. It’s an opportunity to show someone that you appreciate them, and it can feel really special when someone gives you a gift.

But what truly is a gift? The answer is simple: a gift is something that you give someone else without expecting anything in return. Gifts are given out of kindness, not obligation or expectation. And they can come in all shapes and sizes—even if they’re just a smile or a hug.

Final Thoughts

Remember, when it comes down to it, a gift is not a gift unless it’s given freely. When you give a real gift, you want your intended recipient to experience joy and delight, not gratitude or obligation. If there are strings attached, then it’s not really a gift—it’s more like an investment in the future. And if you give someone something just to make yourself look good or earn brownie points with others without truly thinking about their needs? Allow me to say this: such actions are  not only selfish but also an insult to the recipient of such a “gift.”